So your partner has just told you that she is pregnant…you think to yourself, “great I’m going to be a dad, let’s celebrate!”. But then, if you are like any other guy, the next thought through your head will be, “and what about sex?” 

Facts and Fiction of Sex During Pregnancy

For some guys, the fact that your wife is pregnant is going to make having sex with her the last thing on your mind.  Thoughts like “am I going to hurt the baby?”, “is it going to feel funny?” and so on, may well be playing through your head.

Well, I can assure you that sex during a normal pregnancy is not going to harm the baby.  He is well protected in the amniotic fluid and your partner’s womb, so no matter how hard you push there is no way you are going to get through to him. There is also a thick plug in place over the top of your partner’s cervix to help stop infection. So there is no chance of you coming into contact with the baby and sex can continue from the first to last day of the pregnancy.

There are times however where sex is not appropriate during a pregnancy, for example:

·                     The first three months of the pregnancy if your partner has a history of miscarriage.

·                     If there is any sign of bleeding prior to or after sex

·                     If your partner has Placenta Praevia (where the Placenta has embedded near or over the cervix)

·                     If there is any suspicion that you may have an STD such as herpes or chlamydia.

Ok, so we have established that it is not going to harm the baby, now let’s tackle that story you’ve heard from your mates about all pregnant women becoming raging nymphoes, Sex drive can increase for some women, but certainly not for all. The increased blood flow around the pelvic area in the woman during pregnancy means that a woman can become more easily aroused, and the engorged genitals improve sensation and orgasm during love making.  But calm down trigger, this doesn’t mean that every pregnant woman is going to want to have sex all of the time. If your partner suffers from morning sickness, believe me sex is not even going to figure in the equation for the first three months or so.

Then you have the changing levels of hormones in her body which may make her more or less likely to feel like sex.  Depending on what’s going on in her body at the time, it can literally be hot and cold in a matter of hours. At the end of the pregnancy in the last three months, your partner may be feeling tired and lethargic due to the extra weight and pressure on her internal organs from the baby, again leading to a loss of libido.

So, if you’re still with me, you may have guessed the best chance of sex during the pregnancy is going to be in the 3 to 6 months gestation stage.

It’s not only the woman who can blow hot and cold over the thought of sex during pregnancy, you may also have some issues. Some guys find the pregnant body very attractive - the enlarged breasts and hips accentuate your partners body and make her look very desirable. For other guys, trying to associate your partner’s pregnant body with a thing of sexual desire is impossible or the thought of intercourse with your unborn child so near lead to the guy finding sex during pregnancy hard.

Either way you must still try to make your partner feel loved, even if you feel penetrative sex is a no go, there are plenty of other things the pair of you can get up to that will keep you both satisfied physically. Just think of what you did with your first couple of girlfriends….. You get the picture!

This will ensure that both of you are feeling wanted and needed, as this can be a problem during the pregnancy and it should be a time when you are growing closer together not drifting apart.  An important point to note, most of you will get asked at some point during the pregnancy by your partner if you still find them attractive…the answer to this, regardless, is an unhesitant yes. 

Some questions that guys often ask are:

Is sex going to feel different?

On a physical level there should be little change in sensation during sex for you. (Phew!!!!)

However you will have to make allowances for the physical changes inside your partner’s body, avoiding putting pressure on her stomach and deep penetration which maybe be painful for her.

Can a female orgasm induce labour?

Well, yes it can, but only if your partners body is already ready. Women often experience mini contractions during sex and orgasm, but these are not powerful enough to induce labour unless it is already imminent or overdue. Note: That means that they can not use this as an excuse not to have sex, the same way that they use a headache, but hey, they have plenty of other excuses.

Is oral sex harmful to an unborn baby?

This one is definitely an old wives tale, probably conjured up by someone’s wife who wanted to knock it on the head. It is actually perfectly safe for both parties to partake in and would be good alternative if full intercourse is not an option. Here’s to hoping, hey guys!

Can I suck on my partner’s nipples? 

Yes, you can. However towards the end of the third trimester your partner may start to lactate, and as the due date approaches nipple stimulation be it oral or with your hands may aid in inducing pregnancy.

Sexual positions during pregnancy

Up until around 3 months of the pregnancy there is no visible change to your partners body as the foetus is so small, however as the bump gets bigger it will make the missionary position more and more uncomfortable, especially as you will not be able to put any weight on her abdomen. This is not a bad thing however, as you should be able to make sex more adventurous. You will be able add a new dimension to your sex life, trying to find different positions that work for you as a couple and you will have to adapt as your partner’s body changes in shape.

Some positions to try out are:

Doggy Style – with your partner on all fours and you entering her from behind. This works well as your partner’s abdomen gets larger, as there is no pressure against it. 

With your partner on top –  Lying on your back with your partner straddled over your groin. This position is good, as it allows your partner to control the angle and depth of penetration, there is no pressure on her stomach, and you get a great view of those engorged boobs.

From the side of the bed – She lies on her back with her bum on the edge of the bed, feet on the floor and her legs spread. You can then enter her by standing or kneeling between her legs, depending on height of the bed. However take it easy as this position allows for maximum penetration and so may be sore for your partner if you thrust too deeply.

The Spoons Position – your partner lies on her side in a c position, you curl around her and enter her from behind. This is a good one for late pregnancy as there is no weight on her abdomen and the penetration is quite shallow.

The T position – your partner on her back as in missionary position, you on your side at 90 degrees to her, one of her legs over your body, her other leg in between your legs. This position allows you to enter her without putting any pressure on her stomach, and to a similar depth as the missionary position.

I am sure with some experimentation you will be able to make sex during the pregnancy work for both of you. However if you are one of the unlucky ones who goes through 9 months of celibacy, take heart, you are not the only one, and I am assured that it gets back to normal eventually!

For information on sex after the pregnancy click here